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LAME!
Today's Amtgard got rained out!
Soo I went back to sleep and slept in till 5:30.. I dont know why, no reason to. I guess I just felt really down about it. And I'm feeling a bit lonely. On the bright side however! Carlo and Victoria came up Friday! That was a lot of fun. Its nice seeing some friends.
I also re-bought Virtua Fighter 5 and Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe. My MK vs DCU was broken and didnt work anymore, and my VF5 was sold because at the time I wanted UFC more.. Bad decision. I sold a couple games and only had to pay 10$ out of my own pocket! Play n Trade is awesome.
Plans for today... work on some Gouache Painting. Play CoD4. Hopefully the usual gang is on.
- Mood:
lonely
Valhalla.
A live action role play game.
Valhalla is simple. It is a battle game. There are no levels. No Magic. Not much story. You are in Valhalla. You fight all day and you drink all night!
However, does unfortunately rely heavely on player integrity. [unless able to have referees]
Capture the Flag.
Team Deathmatch.
Head Quarters [maybe]
Class System
Warrior.
Defender.
Archer.
Medic.
Grenedier.
---Fighting---
Shots to head, neck, shoulder, body, crotch or rear is a kill shot.
Arms hit once are damaged and unusable if it is an arm, the arm must imedialtely drop limp to one’s side. [if it is the limb that was holding your weapon Drop the weapon Imediately. You CAN NOT simply hand it to your other hand.] If a leg, drop to a knee. If a limb is hit twice it is GONE, cannot be fixed, put behind your back. You have ten seconds before you bleed out and die. Try to take em with you.
Grapple throws and shield bash are permitted on soft ground [grass] But must be voted on
----------------------------------------
Warrior- Red Tunic
Able to use any Melee weapon, and can Dual Wield single handed weapons. Can carry a spare weapon. If you can carry em, go for it. Can use Large Round Shield. Can carry one throwing knife. Any weapon bigger then sword can break shield in 10 strikes. Can parry arrows with a weapon.
Defender- Blue Tunic
Able to use Short Sword, Sword, Long Sword, Spear, and any type of shield. Only alowed ONE weapon. So choose wisely. Defenders have armor, so they are essentially Immune for the first hit This includes a grenade! Vunerable like any other after.
Archer- Yellow Tunic 1 per 5 units
Able to use short or long bow, Normal arrows, poison arrows and fire arrows. Fire arrows destroy shields. Only one Poison arrow and one Fire arrow permitted. Poisoned person dies after 4 steps. [poison arrow concept still under construction] No limit for normal arrows Carry as much as you want. Can wear an arm guard cannot use any swords, but in a pinch can use an arrow as a thrusting weapon and kill an enemy.
Medic- White Tunic, Blue Satchel. 1 per 5 units
Can heal a unit’s limbs Once by tying a white sash around it. Cure poison with white sash around the fore head. Medic can carry as many sashes as they want. Once that limb is healed, if damaged again, cannot be restored. Can carry any type of shield and can carry a short sword. Can cure own limbs if able to tie sash with ‘working’ limbs. May carry one throwing knife. Immune to poison. Medics respawn twice as fast.
Grenedier- GreenTunic, Yellow Satchel 1 per 5 units
Able to use grenades. They explode upon contact with the ground. However the grenedier must audibly count to 10 before throwing [-4 seconds if they carry no shield] Grenedier’s will use nerf Grenades. A grenade that explodes within 3 feet is death. They are permitted 3+ Grenades[permitted one more grenade for every 3 players over 5 on the opposite team.] one throwing knife and can carry a Dagger and a Buckler
Teams wear a clearly visible sash across the chest of their teams color.
Clans wear their Clan patch on the right shoulder, Rank on the left.
For every 5 units, only ONE of either Archer or Grenedier is permitted.
Death Match-
This can be set to a Timed Match [referees required and a few judges to keep score. Or a set number of respawns. To respawn a person walks back to their team’s spawn point and counts to whatever time is set for respawn.
Capture the Flag-
This requires a large playing area. Two teams start far appart. Objective is to capture a flag located in the center and return it to the spawn point. Units Killed must return to their team’s spawn point and wait the set respawn time.
Headquarters-
Again, requires a large area. At least two referees required. One for each spawn point. The playing area would have at least 3 different ‘headquarters’ At each point there would be a stop watch. One person must hold the stop watch for one minute without dying. [Stopwatch would be attatched to where ever it is.] They have to be captured in order of A B C. [the referees will designate which is which. And only tell the teams in order. A at the start, then B once A is captured. And C when B is captured.]
----------------------------------------
Weapons and Shields [measurements from pummle to tip] all based on Amtgard weapon specs.
Armor Piercing=Goes straight through Defender armor and counts as a kill shot.
Vertical Strikes- A full strike is from over the head. Count Audibly.
-Blades-
Dagger- 1 foot 3 inches, Meaure grip to just fit in one hand. no pummle guard, rest is blade. Slashes are only worth half damage. Thrust to body are kill shots.
Short Sword- 2 feet
Sword- 3 feet.
Long sword- 4 feet
Great Sword- up to 5.5 feet can break a shield in 5 vertical strikes [must be two handed to do so] armor piercing [no shield]
Spears- up to 6.5 feet, Armor piercing.
Partisans/Halberds- remove limbs in one shot but must be 6.5 feet. Partisan has a 1 foot blade, and halberd has a 1 foot edge and 1 foot width. [Two Handed] Armor piercing. [no shield]
Axe- One foot by one foot blade. Can be double edged or single edged.with a 7 inch grip [must have pummple guard] can break shield in 7 vertical strikes. Removes arms in one shot [does not work on Defenders]
Great Axe- Can break shield in 3 strikes Removes limbs in one shot. Warrior only. Armor Piercing. [no shield]
-Shields-
When Shield is burned off or broken, drop it to the ground.
Arm Guard- Only allowed on one arm. Protective padding that covers the fore arm. However breaks a little easier then a shield. Immune to fire arrows. [-2 strike for shield breaking weapons.]
Buckler- 1 foot in diameter, round. 5 inch offensive spike in the center. Single handle on buckler. [-1 for shield breaking weapons]
Large Round- 2-3 feet in diameter. Sleeve and grip.
Kite Shield- to make a kite shield, measure from elbow to shoulder. This measurement is 1/4th the length allowed for the shield. Then Measure from middle finger knuckle to elbow. Add 6 inches, this is the width allowed for the shield. Immune to fire arrows and +2 strike for shield breaking weapons.
----------------------------------------And there you have it. A fun, simple, fantasy action combat team game! Wanna get some nerds outside and physically active? got some agressive friends? Lets do it! -- I think this could be a fun monthly or bimonthly tradition if I can get enough people involved
Today I had plans to meet mom for lunch. I decided that because I have come out to my Dad, Step Mom, Brother, Sister, and friends. I should tell mom. At this point, I don't care if mom wants to help. I have support from enough people. If it came to it, I could live with Dad.
So I did a little make up. Did my hair nice. Dressed in my favorite skirt, put on my dangley earrings and took the deepest breath I ever have in my life.
Mom was a bit confused when she saw me. We had lunch, and I explained to her my feelings. I told her that I plan to begin seeing a psychiatrist in my school, and that I most likely will transition.
She of course started worrying that I wasn't sure enough. As if I'd just go in, ask for a swap and be down with it over night.
I tried to explain to her how it works but she didn't seem to pay attention enough.
She was much more concerned with trying to convince me that "god is the only way to happiness" and that I need to pray. And that I should be happy the way god made me.
I told her in the nicest way possible that I'm not asking her permission, or for her religious advice. I'm just giving her fair warning about what will very likely happen, and hopefully soon.
She'll come around. She just needs time to accept that shes not going to change my mind by flagging the bible. As if I care about what was written by corrupt men two thousand years ago, or even believed that there was some omipotent opressive father figure in the sky.
I've been dealing with well.. Hating myself.
Not Justice, I love her, she rocks.
This shell that she is stuck living in.
I saw District 9 when it came out.
I think it was a great movie. Very interesting. Good plot, good direction, fun action. All around really worth seeing even twice.
I'm very emotional.. Movies tend to get to me a lot. Every time I see the "Where the Wild Things Are" preview, it brings me to tears. Not entirely sure why. I may give it more thought and post about it when I see the film.
[SPOILER ALERT. For those who have not seen District 9. Some explaination is needed]
------In the film, the main character is exposed to some goop, this goop slowly begins transforming him into an Alien. A 'prawn' as they called them--------
Whats odd, is that I got emotional durring District 9. Not durring the obvious parts, when he calls his wife after running away from the government lab. The part where the alien that became some what a friend to him is seemingly dying.
Just the one scene where he wakes up and he looks at his hand.. And has to remember all over again that he is becoming a monster.
I nearly cried. I know all too well that feeling.. Waking only to remember aweful truth
These feelings come and go.. but the waves have been bigger and bigger lately. I think I need to begin seeing a psychiatrist and hopefully begin gender therapy soon.
I'm going to keep up with writing here... Hopefully it helps at least in some small way.
Why does society generally have such a disregard for animal life?
Most of the world is convinced by one of the three major religions. Judahism, Christianity, or Islam. All of which teach that non human animal life is simply food or tools for god's chosen species, 'Man'. They believe that animals have no soul. And to them the undefined soul is what defines humans.
On the flip side, Atheists and Agnostics generally have much more respect for their fellow life forms. Those that understand evolution can have greater empathy for other animals, because they realise that they themselves are too an animal. An animal lucky enough to have beaten out every other in the race to dominate the planet, but still in truth an animal.
Those of us that understand this strive to understand other creatures better and to preserve them. We are not so arogant as to believe that the only thing that matters is Human life, Human suffering and Human genocide.
Now I still eat meat. I don't see any hypocricy in this. While I love and respect my fellow life forms, My self preservation is still a powerful instinct. Just as it is in any other life form. And in order to preserve myself propperly I need nutrients recieved from other animals. Though I try to be respecful of what I eat. I make sure I understand what I am eating.
It is the flesh. The muscles of a creature that once lived. It has been killed for human consumption. When I eat it, I am the cause of its death. I can accept that. I can live with that. It is serving an important purpose being killed. Because while I wish that it didn't need to die for me to live. I will not allow my body to become frail to save their lives. I believe I have a bit more to live for then that creature.
However this does not mean I endorse the mistreatment of animals. The better we treat the things we plan to kill and eat. The better we can treat each other. And of course it is a living thing. We know that it can experience suffering. So of course we must try to minimalize the suffering.
Killing anything for Sport, or Fashion is simply idiotic. In a world with an enormous variety of sports. Why not find Something that doesn't involve sensless murder of animals. Hunting and Eating the creature is absolutely fair and just. It is in fact better then simply going to the market and picking up some burgers. You killed it. You take responsibility for that. And you eat it, respecting its existance. And Fashion.. Honestly, with the technology we have does it matter if its REAL fur? Cow leather I don't have so much a problem with. The damn thing is already burgers, might as well do everything you can with it. However killing small animals with no intention of eating them. Simply for warmth? That was fine when we were fighting the elements and trying to survive. But we live in a society where a decent non fur coat only cost a small amount of money. Unnecessary murder is never IN.
True converting to vegetarianism could in theory work if done by a VAST majority to force an evolutionary change in mankind to be able to live propperly without eating meat. However this isn't realistic. Not until we can deal with the bigger problem of religion. Then maybe we can move on to the sub catagories it has created.
[Disclaimer. I do Not care if you, or some one you know is a christian/jew/muslim that loves and respects animals. Or of an atheist/agnostic that doesnt. I'm speaking about the big picture here. The majority. The stuff that matters after you die.]
Why on Earth. Are we willing to sacrifice resources for a painting?
Every time I hear of a painting being sold for millions.. Billions.. I cringe.
I cringe like a child hearing about their mother's sexy lifestyle before she met dad.
It is disgusting. Money that could be solving hunger issues. Economic issues. Social issues. Spent instead on a canvas.. with paint on it.. And often its ugly half assed works. Work that you, or I could do with ease. Passed off as "genius" and sold at rediculous prices. Even work that I would agree is a master peice... Is sold at rediculous prices. Being an artist myself. If some one ever in their life bought my work for millions. I would have to imediatly put that money where it belongs. Not in my pocket. No sir. Perhaps enough to pay the rent. But millions? seriously? That can be better spent. I enjoy my video games. I enjoy my computer. I enjoy figurines and other silly things. But even then. I cannot say that physical belongings drive my existance. What matters is how much better the lives of those I can touch are. Because after I am recycled into this planet, the things I own are worthless to me. All that matters are the lives of those still going. And how they are better or worse because of me.
Why don't people ask big questios? Why are they afraid to discuss important things? Why do people prefer ignorance?
Lazyness.
Every time some one shies away from talking about a hard topic. It is generally because they are lazy.
They may come up with different ways of saying it. I don't like confrontation. I don't care about that subject. so forth and so on.. but really every excuse boils down to lazyness.
They don't want to try because trying takes more effort.
Yes it Takes effort to think about the hard facts of life. Yes it is hard to stand up for the way you think.
Get your lazy ass up and talk. And if you are uneducated in a subject. Put some effort into researching it. Learn. Learning never hurt anybody. Their feelings perhaps, because lazy people prefer ignorance. But in the long run, Knowing is better. I don't care how cool you think you are being apathetic. But theres a good lesson in history about apathy.
"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist;
And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist;
And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew;
And then... they came for me... And by that time there was no one left to speak up."
We live in a country built on secular freedom. And we allow our presidential candidates to constantly sway voters by flagging religion.
We live in a country built on freedom of speach. That we no longer have.
We live in a country built upon ideas like Reasonable Cause, no taxation without representation, the right to bare arms and All men are created equal. Things we no longer have.
The founding fathers may have not forseen how diverse this nation would be. But to see what it is, they would surely turn in their grave.
This is incredibly long, so its about time I wrap it up. For those that read this, I thank you. Your input is appreciated and encouraged.
Get involved in life. The internet is the greatest tool ever given. It is the loudest voice you'll ever have. Use it wisely. Live Journal, Youtube, Deviant Art, Myspace and Facebook. These are all huge social networks. The biggest megaphone known to man sits before you. What will you say into it?
Those who don't know, my mother is the type of mother to blow smoke in your face and ask why you're coughing. I cannot count the times I've been in a terrible coughing fit and shes told me to 'oh just calm down' with a childish impatience, as though I were doing it to piss her off. Both my parents are sadly immature. And I understand why. They had children entirely way too young. They never had time to grow up and find themselves. Learn and think about the world around them.
Fun note. My mother is a devoute fundamentalist christian. She did not seek faith until she was pregnant and kicked out of the house. She uses god as an answer and excuse for everything, and claims to really understand the bible.
My father was the same. Until he realised that he couldn't stand living with my mom and began cheating and left her. With all the problems going on with his life he decided that there is no god, or else her wouldn't be so unhappy.
Well I'm done ranting for now. I have a horrible head ache and I want to sleep. Hopefully I get a job and have some where to be most of the day away from this shit
Okay. So, I find myself arguing with people more and more. I find that I don't want to keep my opinion to myself, and that I do not care what they think after I reveal my point of view. And more often then not, I'm told that I'm an idiot. Or that I shouldn't think this. Or I shouldn't feel that way about that person.
Subject- Drawing Teacher. I think that he is a terrible teacher. I have learned nothing from him. No one else I have talked to in class can tell me a single thing they have learned from him. Hes ignored teaching basic drawing concepts such as Composition, Scale, Anatomy, Perspective. In a class where we spend 6 hours drawing a naked person he has yet to give us an idea on how to go about drawing the figure. We're excpected to "figure it out"
To put this in perspective. Would you feel it is a good teaching method in a surgical class to hand them a body and a knife and say "Figure it out"? Now I know this is an extreme contrast but Its only to emphisise my point.
I understand that learning on your own can help you grow and come to understand things in a way that best suits you. Especially in a visual arts environment. A place where [some] people seek to pour their selves into their work. To make it uniquely them. I can do that in my home for Free.
However, when one pays damn near Unjust amounts of money to Learn from an "Expert" One [should] expect to be taught. Although I myself did expect a lot of bullshit like this anyway. The only reason I am in this system is because I want to have food, a home, and the means to persue my personal happiness in life. However while I am here. I might as well Get something out of it.
Another issue for me, and many other students. Was the fact that he gave us a "Drawing" Assignment to make a collage. Cause when you think of drawing. You think cut and paste. Right? No. You don't. Now I would have loved this assignment. Had he pointed out the reason for doing it at some point. The method I like to call Karate Kid. Wax on, Wax off. You do weird things that you see to be so disconnected from what you are supposed to be learning. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. A reason for it.
He did not provide us with a reason. He never connected it to drawing.
Of course theres the arguement of what IS and IS NOT drawing. But I'm not getting into that.
Arguements to my arguement.
But hes cool.
But hes hot.
You Shouldn't be that way. [With no explaination why]
Give him a break, hes been teaching for five years. [Excuse me, What? Thats an idiotic counter point and has no purpose. In fact. That being the case. He should be Better at it.]
Subject- Vocabulary.
This subject is difficult for me to explain. Because while I find myself wanting people to widen their vocabulary. I am also sick of supposed "Intellectuals" using incredibly complicated or foreign words to explain something that can be summed up into a simple phrase.
Example. My History teacher wants us to use the latin term Figura Serpentina. This means Serpentine Figure [oh really? couldn't figure that out] Now, I refuse to use the latin term in class, because it translates easily into english, the language I speak and everyone in the room speaks. Why do we need to use archaic terms? Latin is a Dead Language. We gave up using it Long Ago. We no longer read books in Latin. The only time one should ever use another language to describe Anything, is to explain something that doesnt match up properly in english, To Someone who Speaks That Language.
The only reason we do this is because it sounds smart. Intellectuals spend a lot of time trying to sound smart. But Art they really smart? Are their views their own? or are they the recycled views of those who came before them. Thats how I feel. My history teacher spends a lot of time refering back to other historians. Who likely refered back to ones before themselves. So does rewording some one elses ideas make you smart? I don't think so.
Its almost impossible to have any completely original idea ever in your life. Whether you know it or not, its extremely likely that some one else thought of it first, if not hundereds or thousands. But, at least form an opinion on your own. Don't take an opinion thats been formed by others for decades, or centuries and just assume its true. I've heard hicks with the vocabulary of an elementry student, using a swear per sentence, speak more intellectually then some perfessors. Big words do not equal big brain. [I know that brain size is irrelevent]
Also, I'm sick of how through the history class we are pretty much being told how to feel about the different eras and types of art. Subtly but not subtle enough for me. Through it we are being taught to think highly of modern abstract art and lowly of modern figurative art.
I remember this being a History class. History is Objective. Who What Where When Why.
Now I'll stop here. I have views on the american education system that I could go into but I'll save it for another day.
My views have made people tell me "You're just anarchist" or "You're just an angry person" or "you're just arguementative" or my all time favorite. The classic, "stop waving your dick" This offends me because I do NOT identify as male. and it defeats itself. Arguing by some one and trying to be the bigger of the fight by telling the other that they are only arguing because it has some connection to trying to prove something about their penis only proves that they are too. If you believe that statement then you can Never argue, nor use that sentence. Because you are then Waving your Dick.
Aside from the anarchist part and dick part their statements against me are true. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am arguementative. Because I see an incredible percent of people around me NOT argueing. Not Questioning. Not Thinking about Why this is, or Why that is.
Some people tell me to just keep it to myself and do what I have to do. But I can't do this. I'm an honest person. I think the rest of the world needs to stop Lying.
The door opens with a creak. The light of the door blinding everyone in the room.
“Holy Hell!! Its Mr. SERIOUS!” The spastic cop yells
Mr. Serious steps into the room. Dead Serious.
“Oh yey! You came!” Captain happy chimes. Bouncing over to the man. “The Commissioner will speak with you in his office.”
Mr. Serious walks past the Captain without a word.
He enters the room and closes the door behind himself. [From view of the outsiders]
In the room The commissioner sits at his chair with an enormous cigar sticking out of his mouth.
“This one is going to require your expert skills. Reports of a giant demon have been coming in from Queens. I need you to find it, and get rid of it.”
Mr. Serious turns and walks out the door without a word.
Page 2
Mr. Serious sits in the subway. Each narrative pannel, different angled shots of Mr. Serious.
“Serious notes. - This city is lost in Chaos. Chaos brought on by their own rediculous imaginations.”
Man sitting on the end of the train, freaking out.
“Everyone in this city, a slave to their emotions.”
Children stare at Mr. Serious.
“I’m the only one left with their senses. Without me this city would plunge head first into hell.”
“Maybe I’m losing it to. I have no obligation to this city. Why do I protect it?”
“My Stop. Time to get to work.”
Page 3
Warehouse. Dark. 3 establishing shots. Light from the door.
“Went around and asked about the “Demon” Found out that the most recent siting was here. About ten to fifteen minutes ago.”
The skull demon creeps out from the shadows.
“Are you serious?”
The demon cracks.
Cracks more
“Serious Notes – Job complete.” Shot of Mr. Serious.
“Another one down.” Shot further away. Lots of dark.
“Every one I find and erase. Takes one more dumbell of crazy off the other end of the scale. “ Shot further away. Black.
Page 4
Splash page. Shot of the rubble that was the demon.
Durring this I spoke with the Owner/Head Sensei. He was an.. Interesting person.
From my experience, every martial arts instructer claims to be undefeated. And the older they are the more they believe that their style is the only right way, and look down upon other diciplines and paths of life. He was no exception.
What struck me as most amusing though was that he began to accuse me of practicing mixed martial arts to prove masculinity and start trouble. I couldn't help but grin. Now after accusing me of this he goes on to a good 15 minute tangent about how he can kill people with ease. How he needs only to strike them ones and end their life. How in his dojo, he teaches to kill, not to play games. But at the same time talking about how he doesn't need to boast about his skills or his school. It was incredibly hard to keep myself from snickering. He spoke about how americans would tease small asian people and be suprised when they could defend themselves. That the styles were designed for small people. When he said this though he said "You" when refering to americans "You big guys" he said.. speaking to me.. I laughed. I'm 5'3 This man is a head taller and broad shouldered. When I spoke about Brazilian Jui Jitsu he proved to be a Japanese Elitest. How Japanese Judo is better and did all the things that the Gracies did. Not true.. The Gracies took Newaza Judo to the extreme and editted out all the techniques that required too much strength. Making a style that small frail man could use to submit a tall muscle bound man. Which he claimed wasn't true.. that its only for muscled guys.. Apparently crappy teens and college students aren't the only ones that can have their head stuck up Japan's ass. Even 50 year old Puerto Ricans can too. He also claimed that Japan did everything first... I was tempted to inform him that Alexander the great spread Pankration to asia during his conquest that later formed Chinese styles. That later formed Japanese styles. Though even if I had tried, Most likely have cut me off. He did that a lot. He liked to talk.
He speaks, does not know. He who knows, does not speak.
Now myself. I didn't talk much about how good I am at all with him. I spoke a bit aboout my areas of focus and interest. And paid a lot of attention to the way he and his class worked. Now, for me. I don't think I would want to learn from him... His major flaw is that he follows Very american ideals.. Backed up by the arogant ideals imported by some Japanese. I study martial arts because its my passion. I don't do it to prove anything to anyone. I may speak about it a lot, but that is only because its something I love. I don't study so that I can kill or hurt anyone. I study for myself... and in any situation that I may have to use it to defend myself or some one, I would never think of taking a life. Anyone can take a life. The real skill is being able to save one. If you can walk away from a fight knowing that you are safe. Whomever you may need to protect is safe. And that the one who attacked you is safe but harmless. You are truely a great martial artist. While using Jui Jitsu my not be the safest way to handle a street fight. I would rather use it, knowing that I can control the other. Only hurting them temporarily. Or breaking something if I absolutely must. It allows me to defend myself in a way that I know I can do as little harm to the other as possible.
I think the only agreeable thing that he said was that its always better to avoid a fight all together. Even Bruce Lee would never fight a stranger if he didn't have to.
I may have to write a better and more coherent explaination of my philosopy on martial arts.
Ummm other then that? Not too much going on.
Though me and JP are planning to kill
Alanna's panther if we have to. Its cursed o.o
Creature Feature - Such Horrible Things [Small Pronoun Edit]
---------------------------------------
Sit Back Now
Let Me Tell You A Tale
Where Justice Does Not Prevail
About An Ill-Fated Life
So Very Full Of Strife
Where Two Wrongs Do Not Make A Right
So
When I Was Born
I Did Surely Scorn
My Proud Parent's Name
Then Their Lives Went Down The Drain
Drove Them Insane
My Birth Was A Curse
I Bit The Nurse
Oh, But I Love The Worst
I Deserve To Be Slowly Submersed
Dried Out Then Laid In A Hearse
When I Was Two
I Poured Super Glue
Into My Fathers Hair
As He Sat Unaware
In His Arm Chair
Much To Dismay
Had To Cut It All Away
Oh, But It Felt Great
I Deserve To Cut And Filleted
Then Tossed About In Disarray
Until The Pieces Melt Away
I Am Not A Bad Girl
Even Though I Do Bad Things
Very Bad Things
Such Horrible Things
But It's Not Quite What It Seems
*Not Quite What She Seems*
Not Quite What I Seem
Ah, Hell
It's Exactly What It Seems
When I Was Four
I'd Wait By The Door
With A Knife In My Hand
And A Most Devious Plan
It Would Be Quite Grand
As The Mail Fell Through The Slot
The Sharp Edge He Got
Oh, But I Love The Thought
I Deserve To Be Tied In A Knot
Broken Bones And Blood Clots
When I Was Six
I Used To Trick
The Next Door Neighbors Sun
In The Woods We Would Run
Time For Fun
Hide N Seek Has A Cost
He Would Be Forever Lost
Oh, But I Love To Scoff
I Deserve To Have My Head Lopped Off
Hidden And Covered In Moss
Until This Memory's Forgot
I Am Not A Bad Girl
Even Though I Do Bad Things
Very Bad Things
Such Horrible Things
But It's Not Quite What It Seems
*Not Quite What She Seems*
Not Quite What I Seem
Ah, Hell
It's Exactly What It Seems
When I Was Eight
I Used To Hate
The Color Of My House
So As Quite As A Mouse
I Burned It Down
To The Ground
When No One Was Around
Oh, But I Love The Sound
I Deserve To Quickly Be Put Down
Rotting Six-Feet Underground
When I Was Ten
I Used To Pretend
To Drown In The Sea
Till They'd Come To Rescue Me
Then Preceed
To Laugh In Their Face
Such A Disgrace
Oh, But I Love The Taste
I Deserve To Have My Brains Displaced
All Over The Fireplace
Until This Life Has Been Erased
I Am Not A Bad Girl
Even Though I Do Bad Things
Very Bad Things
Such Horrible Things
But It's Not Quite What It Seems
*Not Quite What She Seems*
Not Quite What I Seem
Ah, Hell
It's Exactly What It Seems
When I Was Twelve
I Used To Delve
Into Evil Schemes
Just To Elicit Screams
Boost My Self Asteem
Pushed My Sister Down A Well
She Just Fell
Oh, But I Love To Dwell
I Deserve To Roast Deep Down In Hell
Where No One Can Hear Me Yell
When I Was Fourteen
Nothing Much Happened
Well
There Was That One Time
*Screams durring guitar solo*
I Am Not A Bad Girl
Even Though I Do Bad Things
Very Bad Things
Such Horrible Things
But It's Not Quite What It Seems
*Not Quite What She Seems*
Not Quite What I Seem
Ah, Hell
It's Exactly What It Seems
When I Was Sixteen
Life Was Frightening
My Brother Was Quite Dull
So With Laughter In My Skull
Pushed Him In A Hole
Then Buried Him Alive
He Barely Survived
Oh, But I Love The Cries
I Deserve To Be Battered And Fried
In An Electric Chair That's Set On High
Now That I'm Eighteen
I Still Hate Things
From This Padded Cell I Call My Home
No Friends, No Phone
No Life To Call My Own
Here I Will Lie
Until The Very Day I Die
Until My Blood Begins To Dry
And I Return To The Darkness From Whence I Came
So
I Am Not A Bad Girl
Even Though I Do Bad Things
Very Bad Things
Such Horrible Things
But It's Not Quite What It Seems
Not Quite What I Seem
Ah, Hell
I'm Exactly What I Seem
[[Little Note - Narrorator in Orange. Once again boys and girls. I cannot spell.]]
Evening viewers! We last leave our heroine blabing about lame D&D geekery that few, if any care about. HOWEVER! Tonight we bring you ACTION!!
First things first. Friday is the absolute day for the paper! 6 pages long about an artist irrelevent to the interest of the young ranger! * Gasp!! * Can she do it?
Next up. The fumbling, stumbling, bumbling idiot known as Karsten has fumed Justice into a rant! Lets Watch!!
Prerequisit to reading this Rant. No matter how much you may disagree, It is not up for discussion. You may agree if you do. but arguements will be ignored
I'm an art student. I am majoring in Illustration. I plan to be an art teacher myself one day. I am borrowing an insane amount of money that I will be paying back until my dying day to attend this school. So why is it, that my fucking Drawing teacher does not Fucking Teach? I understand that fowl language isn't very lady like but FUCK THAT. He is a terrible teacher. In a foundation drawing class we should be learning things such as Composition, Figure Drawing, Maybe how to properly cross hatch, or some other basic drawing skills. At least this is what one would assume would be taught in an Art SCHOOL. After all the debt students are in after barely paying tuition, our tools are not supplied. We must buy everything... I wouldn't mind this one bit if I felt like I was getting something from this school that I couldn't get anywhere else. Right now I don't feel like I am. In return for all my money, I am given a half of a room. the other half belongs to an asshole controlling kid that I have not met before being forced to live with. I am given access to the roach infested kitchen upstairs. Oh did I mention that we have a meal plan? The plan is, the school holds onto your money and only allows you to spend it at 4 locations. Moe's Cafe in either the west side building or the main building on the east side. OR Gramercy Star and Hidden City Cafe. Two cafe's that are NOT EVEN HALF A BLOCK AWAY FROM EACH OTHER! AND ARE OWNED BY THE SAME PEOPLE SELLING T
After all of this will I drop out? No. If I have to put up with this bullshit to be a REAL art teacher. Then so be it. I just hope I can actually teach people something.
Who knows Maybe I'll get lucky and get a few real teachers here and there. Painting class, while not being my forte, has proven to teach me a few useful things.
Yes. Yes it was. I feel much better now =]
PS.
Laser Hair Removal is expensive o.O I need to start saving like.. last month.
- Music:Creature Feature - Such Horrible Things
So, the weekend has come at last. Thought its not as if it matters for me. I've been missing class so much all week. UGH. I hate being sick. I hate missing class! And Wizdom teeth are JERKS! Damn does it hurt! Luckily though the pain has seemed to been deminishing lately. I pray that next week the pain is gone completely.
Tomarrow my mom will be giving me 50$ The same as every weekend. This time however I don't have to go back to Jersey to get it, she'll be sending it to my account. Nice for me. I get to be lazy =D * Dances a little victory dance *
I played D&D yesterday for the first time =o It was fun! I made a Human Ranger! She hates the undead and has the ability to shoot two arrows per turn. And she can do extra damage within 30 feet =D I have now blossomed into a full Dork.
Heres a drawing of her =o
Just a mundane update. And I believe I mentioned this before. I cannot spell. I'm okay with that XD
The weekend was rather... shitty. I felt so uncomfortable when I went back home. My dad's girlfriend grabbed my hand to inspect my pink nail polish and gave me a disgusted look and started to ask why. I ignored her and went to my brothers room =\ It seems that every time I go home my parents find some way to prove how unaccepting they are. I don't think I'll be able to come out to them until I can afford to live on my own.. Which is a shame because It hurts hiding who I am and pretending to be something that I'm not. Now that I've been able to express who I am here in NYC, Hiding myself in boy's clothes kills me. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for 4 monthes durring the summer.
Well, thats enough of me whinig. I shall drool over this dress a few more moments and then get back to cleaning.
- Mood: gloomy
VICTORIOUS I SAY!!!
Ahem.. Right. So, homework aside I've been... alright. Been going through quite a bit emotionally, but I'm coping. I feel bad about missing drawing class this week for it, but had I gone, I would have ended up feeling so much worse. My classmates aren't the best company when I'm down. A few are.. But too few to be worth suffering the majority.
Even though the classes can be hard and stressful, I really enjoy it out here in NYC. People don't ask me why I'm wearing make up or skirts.. They just tell me that I look cute, or that my nail polish suits me. In fact, often enough people really think I am a girl =D Though unfortunately my man voice ruins it sometimes * Tears of defeat. * I've been working on it though >>; I find that speaking softly helps. * Yanks her own pony tail. * I digress yet again!
Right! Business! I'm working on a sculpture and a big painting project and I've got a paper due at the end of the week!. Can one wolf do it all? See the Exciting conclusion on the next episode of-
"WHO
GIVES
[The Series]
PS... I'm bored and feeling incredibly goofy. Don't you mind me.
- Mood:
energetic
